Modest Is Not Hottest

My wife and I were visiting another congregation recently. As we were sitting in the pews waiting for the worship services, my wife leaned over to me and said, “Looks like they decided to wear their leggings to church.” I looked up and there were a group of young ladies were talking among themselves with their skin-tight leggings on full display in the middle of the auditorium.

Now, for those who don’t understand what the issue is, leggings have many fine and acceptable usages. However, they also are designed to provide a flattering presentation of the specific curves that are enticing to men. When these curves are not covered, they might as well be yelling, “Look right here!” It is a not-so-subtle attempt to be hot or sexy.

It’s not surprising that girls are pushing the envelope with their fashion. There has always been the fight between teenage girls and their parents. The old movie cliché was that a girl came down the stairs to go on a date and the dad immediately says, “Nope. Go back upstairs and change.” It’s not surprising that girls have the desire to be hot. What is surprising is the adults. They should be ashamed of themselves. Parents should be ashamed for not telling their daughters to change, and teach them to have dignity and self respect. Churches should be ashamed for not teaching on this issue. Youth ministers should be ashamed if they are not dealing with immodesty in the youth group. It is perfectly fine to have these things called “rules” and to enforce them!

Since parents are not willing to do it... Since youth ministers aren’t teaching it... This is my attempt to speak to all teenage girls, especially to Christians.

I do not want to try and convince you with some corny line like “modest is hottest.” We all know that is not true. Modesty has never been the hottest. If that was the case, women would get hijabs and burkas for their honeymoon night. It is true that tighter, shorter, and skimpier is hottest.

However, this is actually the problem in this whole conversation. Statements like “modest is hottest” buy into the presupposition that trying to be hot or sexy is a good thing. Wanting to be hot really means that you are wanting to sexually arouse someone to a degree that will lead them to talk to you, ask you out, or flirt with you. This attention makes you feel good about yourself. There are many unintended consequences with this behavior.

One of the big problems is that being “hot” in public is a public message. What I mean is, you could be thinking about one person that you want to attract. You are probably grossed out at the thought of a bunch of other people perving out at you. But you are putting out a public message with your clothing. It’s like putting up a billboard along the highway for one person to see, and then getting mad that everyone gets the message.

In addition, if you attract a man by being “hot,” do not be surprised to find he has a completely degrading view of women. Your relationship is going to be founded on lust and vanity rather than anything of substance. It will eventually become miserable. God is not mocked (Gal 6:7-8). You reap what you sow. If you are sowing seed that attracts the perverted mind of men, don’t be surprised that perverted-minded men are attracted by it.

A man will go through great lengths for the sake of his flesh. He will act like a gentleman. He will change his behavior for a while. He will subconsciously endure the fact that he doesn’t even like you for the sake of getting to sleep with you. That is, until he sees someone hotter. Then he is gone and your home is shattered. Don’t be deceived. God is not mocked. You will reap what you sow.

We communicate by our clothing. What we wear says a lot about us. What do you want said about you? Do you want someone to say “she is easy” or “she has no self-respect”? If you would not want a person saying that about you, why would you put on clothes that scream it?

The Bible says that you should adorn yourself with “shamefastness and sobriety” (1 Timothy 2:9). The point is, your clothing should profess to the world that you possess these characteristics. Shamefastness is understood by comparing it to shamelessness. A shameless person is someone who does whatever they want and is never really embarrassed. A shamefast person is someone who never worries about being ashamed because they are only concerned with doing the honorable thing. Dressing with sobriety means that you do not try and prove your worth through your dress. Some girls dress the way they do to fit in with the other girls. They want to show that they are cool too. The point of both of these words is that your clothing should scream that you value your purity, your dignity, your virtue, and your soul.

1 Timothy 2:9 also says “adorn yourself in modest apparel.” Paul is saying make yourself beautiful with modest clothing. As soon as my wife made her comment, another young lady walked by who was of the same age as these others. She was obviously someone who was concerned that she presented herself as a dignified child of God. She was dressed in a beautiful dress that proclaimed to me that she was someone of virtue, coming to worship her God. She was beautiful from the inside out. I can almost guarantee you that if she keeps that up, she will attract a good godly man that will cherish and respect her.

Within the desire to be hot is an extreme level of vanity. Vanity is a dangerous thing because it is a type of prideful dishonesty. Most girls will say, “I wear what I wear because it makes me feel good about myself. I am not trying to impress any men.” Little do they know, they have been trained to believe that getting a response from a male is the way to feel good about themselves. They have been trained that any attention is good attention. So sure, you are wearing what you want because it makes you feel good, but you are addicted to the reaction, or the potential reaction from men. It is prideful dishonesty. You become a slave to it.

I am sorry that you live in a society that makes all of this harder than it actually is. I am sorry that you live in a time where social media compounds the problems. I am very sorry modesty and virtue has not been taught to you. But this does not absolve you of your responsibility in the matter. You are ultimately the one who is committing the sin.

The plain truth is modest is not hottest. Hell is. People who would bring reproach upon the church and stumbling to their fellow man through their own selfishness will eternally be hottest. Hell will be full of hot people. But hell will not have a single faithful child of God.

God did not create you to be some piece of meat. He created you to make this world a better place. That comes from embracing what He created you to be. You are the light in the world. Bring glory to His name! Choose self-respect. Choose dignity. Choose modesty. Choose purity. Choose virtue.

P.S. tell your parents you want a modest wardrobe. Don't tell them you want modest clothing for church, tell them you want to be modest everywhere. Then throw the trash out.

P.S.S if they can not afford it, talk to the leadership of your congregation and explain to them that you want to present yourself differently.